- 510 hp, rear-biased AWD, 0-60 in 3.7 seconds — Rayo confirms this from the spec sheet, the same way he confirms most facts about the outside world
- Coupe body, two doors, which Rayo notes is two fewer doors than he considers reasonable for getting groceries inside
- Starts at $92,500. As-shown, with the Track Pack, $109,800
- MARTy calls the seats "sport-bolstered." Rayo calls them "a chair that has opinions about my posture"
- Assembled in Italy — the first hard fact about this car Rayo could confirm without asking twice
I was asked to evaluate a car that goes from a stop to highway speed in under four seconds. I have never needed to be anywhere in under four seconds. My personal record for urgency is the walk to the mailbox, which I completed in one minute and forty seconds, at a pace the Aster C would find insulting.
THE EXTERIORIt Has Two Doors and Very Strong Opinions
MARTy's designers describe the Aster C's roofline as "a single continuous gesture." I looked at it for a while and mostly saw a roof. It is low — low enough that I measured the door opening against my own knee, and the door opening lost.
The car is 179 inches long. I do not know what that means as a felt experience, but I do know the 14 bus is 40 feet, or 480 inches, and it has never once made me duck.
I asked if the two-door layout was a design choice or a cost-cutting one. The MARTy representative said "design philosophy." I wrote that down without comment.
THE INTERIORSport-Bolstered Seats, One Nervous Passenger
The seats are upholstered in what MARTy calls "technical suede" and what I call "a surface I was told not to touch with pen ink, so I removed my pen." The bolstering is aggressive enough that I understood, immediately and without being told, that this seat expects things of me.
There is a launch control button. I did not press it. I do not know what would have happened, and I was not prepared to find out on a closed course with witnesses.
THE NUMBERSFast, and MARTy Would Like You to Know It
510 horsepower, 3.7 seconds to sixty, 168 mile-per-hour top speed. These numbers were read to me twice, slowly, by someone who seemed personally invested in whether I understood them. I did not, fully, but I nodded at the appropriate moments.
Top speed is 180 mph. The fastest I have personally traveled is on an airport moving walkway, standing still, letting the floor do the work. I recommend it. It is free and nobody asks you to sign a waiver.
Someone used the phrase "visceral connection to the road" unprompted. I have a visceral connection to the bus schedule. We did not compare notes further.
The Track Pack adds $13,450 to the price. For that money I could take the bus every day for roughly thirteen years, which is longer than I plan to be alive at this rate.
As-shown runs to $109,800 once the Track Pack gets added. Rayo priced a monthly bus pass instead; it was, again, cheaper.
Questions people actually ask
Did Rayo drive the MARTy Aster C?
No. Rayo does not have a license and was additionally not invited to.
Is the MARTy Aster C quick / efficient / good, per its category?
By every account from people who understand acceleration, yes. Rayo's fastest measured pace is a brisk walk to a mailbox, so no comparison is offered.
Is this car worth $92,500?
That depends on how much urgency you require from a chair. Rayo cannot advise further.
Rayo cannot tell you if the MARTy Aster C is a good car to drive quickly, because Rayo has never driven anything quickly on purpose. Rayo can tell you it is very low, very loud in photographs of the engine bay, and that the mailbox walk took one minute forty either way.
This article is 100% fictional satire. The MARTy Aster C is not a real vehicle.
